Hello,
I know this is something I've talked about a bit in the past, but yesterday I got to thinking about it again. I have been working hard at being more kind to myself since the beginning of the year, but I've noticed that I'm failing miserably at it. It's something I've been reminding myself of every so often, but I haven't really taken steps to fully apply it to my life. Both my health and mental state have suffered in the past because of my lack of applying it, and I know that I need to really start making a serious conscious effort to change in this area.
Sometimes I just shudder at the thought of it, it goes against my nature so much. I am extremely good at working myself as hard as possible and holding the highest aspirations, goals and rules for myself, and when I don't succeed, I get upset with myself or feel like I've failed. I know in my head that this is wrong, but I just keep continuing in the same negative thought pattern. Most of the time it is only my own expectations of myself, but I because I expect perfection from me, then I also find myself thinking that others expect it from me too. This just adds to the pressure and the failure feeling I get when I don't live up to my expectations. I feel like I've not only let myself down, but others as well.
I'm the type of person who needs to have "steps" for how to do things, for example, when I wake up in the morning I mentally run through my day step-by-step - pray, read my Bible, brush teeth, wash face, get dressed, make breakfast and tea, eat, put the coffee on, etc. I need to mentally map out what I am going to do. It gives me the structure I need to help keep me from getting distracted. So I was thinking that I might need to make myself a list of steps I can take in order to to be kind to myself and then put them somewhere I can see them every day to remind me to actually do them.
One area where I need to learn to be kinder to myself in is my crafting. My friend Jessica reminded my yesterday that "knitting is supposed to be fun." Boy did I ever need to hear that right then! Earlier in the day I felt myself slipping back into the "just finish it up" mindset regarding my projects. You know what I'm talking about, where you're no longer enjoying the process of the work but instead are just hurrying up trying to get it finished so it's checked off the list. Sometimes there are real deadlines that make projects fall in to this area, but the things I'm working on don't have deadlines like that. I've just been rushing because that's my natural tendency - which is no excuse. I look at those people who knit to relax, and I wish I could be like them. Instead, I'm usually frantically knitting at top speed to get something finished up and off the needles so I can start something new. Then the whole cycle begins again: hurry and finish up so I can start the new and exciting thing I want to make, then once I'm started on it, I'm hurrying to finish it up so I can start the next new thing, and on and on and on it goes. It's like a vicious knitting merry-go-round. One I definitely want to get off. I'd really like to get rid of the "hurry up" and replace it with the calming knitting I see others do. I guess finding "steps" in this area would be a good plan, and to start I'm going to write out "Knitting is supposed to be fun." and stick it up where I can see it every day.
Do you ever find yourself struggling to be kind to yourself, or rushing through your knitting and not enjoying the process? If you're the type who knits to relax, can you share any tips with me?
xoxo
I sat down a little over two years ago, and planned out my knitting for the year. There were projects that had deadlines (like Christmas or birthdays or seasonal items) but most projects were just things I wanted to do. I allowed myself to change things, add things, delete things and the biggest thought I had was that if something didn't get done or got frogged, "hey, it's only knitting." It helped me have a bit more focus without really restrictive guidelines. It also allowed me to go stash-diving :)
ReplyDeletePlanning your knitting for the year is a great idea! I don't want a repeat of last year's Christmas rushing again, and this would also help with the birthdays and other celebrations I'd like to make things for. I had thought of doing something like this at the beginning of the year, but I never actually got around to it yet. I'll be adding this to my list of things to do for sure. And I like how you allowed yourself to change/adjust things so that it wasn't like your list was rules set in stone (which is what my lists in the past have been). And anything that helps with stash-diving is always a plus! :) I think I'm going to add "hey, it's only knitting" to my list with "knitting is supposed to be fun"!
DeleteYour post has hit a chord with me. Like you, I expect alot from myself and am my own worst critic. If I don't do something well enough/fast enough/good enough I beat myself up. It definitely takes its toll physically and emotionally. Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to the fact that I need to be nicer and gentler to myself. Also, I'm coming to the realization that I need to expect better FOR myself instead of just expecting better FROM myself. It's a real eye opener. I will pray that we both learn to be kinder to ourselves and give ourselves the love and gentleness we deserve!
ReplyDeleteI had never thought about expecting better FOR myself instead of just expecting better FROM myself - that is such a great thought, and so true! We really do deserve to treat ourselves with kindness and gentleness. We are worth it, even if our minds sometimes don't agree. Thank you, I will be praying for you as well. I know we can do it!!
DeleteWe are our own worst critics sweetheart. I sometimes think I should be a more patient mum like so and so and take my girls out more on the weekend, etc. But that craziness just tires me out and I get fed up with it! I should know better and what is important is to be me and do the best you can. Life is about smelling the roses yeah? It's so precious and can be too short.
ReplyDeleteYou do what you can, like seriously. I think stenciling or getting a vinyl wall decal for your bedroom wall or maybe cross stitching it and framing it will be a gentle reminder to you to be more gentle to yourself.
Thanks Stef, your words really helped me, you are so right. Life is about the little things, and enjoying the time we have here on this earth. It's amazing how easy it is to get caught up in all the "stuff" of life and forget the real meaning of it. I think I need to do what you said and cross stitch myself a little sampler to remind me to just be me, slow down, and enjoy life!
DeleteAnd by the way, I think you're an awesome Mom from what I see on your blog :)