Wildlife

Hello,

Today seemed to be a day full of wildlife.  This morning we had this sandhill crane couple out on the beach.  I always like seeing these birds, they're so big an stately looking.  My Dad told me once that they remind him of some old prehistoric bird, especially when they fly.  And really, they do!

I think this must have been some sort of courting dance.  It was very funny to watch him hopping about trying to impress her.  He would pick up pieces of seaweed and throw them up in the air too.  We usually have a pair that nest nearby each year so it will be interesting to see if this couple will have a baby or two in tow in the near future.

While watching the cranes Mom noticed something else swimming in the lake and here it was this cute little otter.  He seemed to be enjoying the beautiful sunny day as he swam past.

We had another gorgeous sunset tonight.  The colours were more pink and orange than the last few.

Mom and I went for a nice walk this evening where we met a partridge both on our way up the road and on our way back.  I wish I had taken my camera with me to see if I could have gotten a picture of it.  It both looked and felt like summer out there today.  The leaves are budding on the trees and the frogs are singing there little hearts out.  Spring is certainly here!

xoxo

Decisions, Choices, Changes

Hello,

This is a bit of a long post, so you might want to grab a cuppa and settle in for a read.  Maybe grab a snack too.  I had to stop and get myself two cups of coffee, a snack and lunch while I wrote it.  I just thought you should be forewarned.

I have been doing a lot of thinking this past weekend and I've come to the conclusion that some major changes are going to have to take place in my life, starting now.  I know, I know, I know, you're probably like, "we've heard that before and yet, nothing has changed."  Well, this time it's not just a choice I am making but a sort of forced change of behaviour.  Both my body and other people are telling me that I am going to have to slow down, stop pushing myself to the limits and let go of trying to both do and control things that I'm not supposed to.  I once heard that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a sign of insanity, but I don't think that is what this is.  I think this is stubbornness.  I want to be able to do things my way and I'm not happy when anyone else, including my own body, tells me it is not possible, or that I can't do it.  I am one of those people who when someone says "you can't do that" I immediately have to go out and prove that yes I can.  Now this can be a handy trait to have, but let me tell you, it has it's disadvantages as well.  Especially when the thing is something that in all reality I shouldn't be doing to begin with..  However, now that they've said I can't, I have to prove that I can.  Even when it is a detriment to myself.  I think what it really comes down to is a desire to always be right...oh humility is a hard pill to swallow!  Now I understand what the Bible means when it says pride goes before the fall!  Well fall I did, and flat on my face.  It has been a hard lesson to learn that no matter what I think, I am NOT superwoman.

I don't necessarily think this fits into the "Being Kind" to myself category fully as some other things in the past have, because I've honestly thought these were the things I truly wanted to do, not things I was pressuring myself to do because I thought I had to.  And some of them probably did have undercurrents of "I should do this" that may not have been what I exactly wanted, but on the whole these have been things I have had a desire to make, do, see, change, etc.

I started out this morning writing this note to a friend:

"It's feeling better today (which is my hand that I hurt yesterday opening an onion bag...yeah, pathetic, I know), but I still think I'm going to rest it as much as I can.  I honestly don't know why these things keep happening to me.  I used to be able to knit/crochet with no pain whatsoever, and now it seems like I'm getting pain from almost everything I do."

I have to stop here to say that the moment I wrote that, I knew immediately that I actually did know why these things kept happening.  It is because I am pushing myself way to hard.  It's like I'm trying to keep up the pace of "Christmas knitting" every day of my life...which just in case you are wondering, is not sustainable.  Anyway, back to the note:

"I think I must be just doing too much.  The last few months have seen a lot of knitting and crocheting from me, and maybe it's time I really, really cut back.  I think I set myself these great big grand plans, but in all honesty, they're probably not humanly possible, at least not possible to sustain for a long period of time.  So, I think what I am going to try to do is just slowly work on my crafts as it is comfortable, even if that means one row a day,  and really try to learn to relax more.  I find that when I'm in my "making hurry" I tend to overlook so many things each day and not take the time to just "be" and see what is really going on around me.  I sit in one place stitching, stitching, stitching, without even looking up.  Mom or someone will come into my room to talk to me and I hardly pay attention because I'm so focused on what I am doing and trying to get it done."

This is so true.  Life is passing me right by while I am focused on "getting things done."  I'm always thinking to myself that I will start slowing down and take real enjoyment of life when I'm done this one particular thing.  The problem is, once that one thing is done another one comes up to replace it and I never get around to actually enjoying anything.  I don't even enjoy the process of my crafts anymore because I'm so overly focused on completing them so I can start something else.  It's like I'm trying to accumulate a pile of accomplishments ..and what for?  I've thought about that question a lot, and I think it stems from a deep-rooted feeling of failure.  I think I'm trying to prove that I really am not a failure and that I can actually stick with something and see it through to completion by doing all this.  I need to let that go...  I know God has forgiven me for my failures, and I have chosen to forgive myself, but I haven't really been living in that forgiveness.  I've still been trying to prove that I am worthy.  I need to remember that God says our own "works", no matter how good they are, are still like filthy rags to Him because He doesn't love and accept us based on our own personal goodness, but based on Who He is - He is Love and He loves us perfectly and unconditionally.  We cannot earn His love.  Rather, we are just to accept it and live in the freedom of it.  Clearly I still have a lot to learn in this area, but I'm glad to know that God still loves me even though I'm a "work-in-progress."  And I have to make sure I don't try to change on my own, but trust Him to help me change.  Otherwise, I'll keep going around this same old mountain again and again, and I am honestly so ready to be done with this.

I think what I need to do instead of trying to do all that I want to or what I think is expected of me, I need to just do what I can do, what I am able to do without putting unnecessary pressure on myself, and learn to be satisfied and happy with that.  Not always expecting more, more, more, good, better, best, but just realizing and accepting that these are my limits and to be content with that.  I am what I am.  My Finnish grandfather had this saying that basically meant "It is what it is."  That's what I am going to think about myself - It is what it is, I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less.  I am not a failure because I have limits, I am human.  Man, that feels good to say!  I am choosing to take the pressure off myself now and just accept me as ME.

So really, what I guess I'm trying to say is that the blog is going to take a little turn from displaying what I have done, to following me as I pursue this new way of living.  It will still tell the tales of my projects, but you just may see a certain project at various stages of "in-progress" for a lot longer while I take my time working on it.  Also, it will probably follow more of my everyday life as I go about learning to mindfully live each day.  It's going to be a learning process, but really, isn't that what life is all about?

Thanks for sticking with me through this all, and I look forward to sharing my journey.

xoxo

Nightfall

Hello,

We had the most gorgeous sunset here last night.  The air was still making the water like glass, and the colours were reflecting off it casting everything in a purple glow.

It reminded me how blessed I am to live right here, right now.

xoxo

Happily Ever After and Some Stitching

Hello,

I'm back after my somewhat long break of not knitting or crocheting.  If you know me, you know that having to stop making things and just rest is not going to last very long.  I have to be doing something at all times.  I'm not good at just sitting still, and I have this urge to make things continually.  So since I couldn't knit or crochet, I tried to think of something else I could do and came up with cross-stitch.  I have done this craft in the past but not recently, and I forgot how fun it is.  I made the above sampler for my cousin Kaitie who is getting married this weekend.  She's a girly girl like me and I thought the 'Happily Ever After' design was perfect for her, plus she loves pink too.  I also did an owl crewel embroidery kit, but I haven't gotten it framed yet, so no pictures.  Now I am working on a sampler from Anna Maria Horner's book 'Anna Maria's Needleworks Notebook.'  It's the same one she is working on that's on the cover.  The candy-like colours against the black background is stunning!

I have gotten back to my yarn crafts again now, although I'm going slow.  I started near the end of last week by knitting a baby hat for this month's Itty-Bitty charity.  My friend Jessica and I did a mini KAL over Ravelry.  It was fun to knit along with a friend, even though we weren't able to knit together in person.  It was the next best thing.

Since then, I've been slowly working on projects and taking lots of breaks to make sure my wrists, hands, and elbows get plenty of rest.  It all seems to be working well.  I've been crocheting a shawl and a baby blanket and knitting a pair of pink socks for a friend.  Today I crocheted up these cute little baby cowgirl boots:

My cousin TL is expecting her fourth baby in June and she gifted me this pattern the other day, so I made up this little pink pair this afternoon.  Now I'm working on a matching cowgirl hat that goes along with it!  The pattern is from The Lovely Crow and I can't say enough good things about these patterns.  They're so well written with detailed directions and helpful pictures as well as links to video tutorials in case you get stuck.  Plus, the patterns are adorable!  They're perfect for that "something cute" for the next baby shower on your calendar.

Well, I should be off to bed now,

xoxo

I'll Be Reading

Happy Saturday!

Well both this week and last I happened to overdo it a bit with my knitting and crocheting and today I found out that I cannot do either without pain in my arms and elbows.  This is a letdown because now I actually have more time to work on my projects.  But, I'm refusing to be sad about it, and instead I've decided to just take a break for at least the next two days, or until it doesn't hurt anymore.  I had the same thing happen at Christmas this past year, and because I didn't take a break when I knew I should, but instead just kept going despite the pain, I wasn't able to knit or crochet for at least a month without it hurting.  I learned my lesson and I would much rather miss a few days then to miss a whole month!  In the meantime, I think I will read and just relax - that sounds like a good way to be kind to myself now doesn't it?  I'm currently reading Anne of Windy Poplars and I'm enjoying it so much.  There's just something about both the Anne of Green Gables series and all Jane Austen's books that feels like "home" to me.  They're like old familiar friends.  Do you have any books that make you feel the same way?
I hope that you have a wonderful weekend and that the weather in your part of the world is springlike and cheery.  Here it is well below normal in temperature and has been lightly snowing off and on, but I hear it might warm up next week and we're supposed to get some rain.  Hopefully that will help melt the snow and make things start greening up.  In the meantime, I'm doing my best to remain patient and enjoy even the small changes I see each day.

xoxo

Perfection

Hello,

I know this is something I've talked about a bit in the past, but yesterday I got to thinking about it again.  I have been working hard at being more kind to myself since the beginning of the year, but I've noticed that I'm failing miserably at it.  It's something I've been reminding myself of every so often, but I haven't really taken steps to fully apply it to my life.  Both my health and mental state have suffered in the past because of my lack of applying it, and I know that I need to really start making a serious conscious effort to change in this area.
Sometimes I just shudder at the thought of it, it goes against my nature so much.  I am extremely good at working myself as hard as possible and holding the highest aspirations, goals and rules for myself, and when I don't succeed, I get upset with myself or feel like I've failed.  I know in my head that this is wrong, but I just keep continuing in the same negative thought pattern.  Most of the time it is only my own expectations of myself, but I because I expect perfection from me, then I also find myself thinking that others expect it from me too.  This just adds to the pressure and the failure feeling I get when I don't live up to my expectations.  I feel like I've not only let myself down, but others as well.
I'm the type of person who needs to have "steps" for how to do things, for example, when I wake up in the morning I mentally run through my day step-by-step - pray, read my Bible, brush teeth, wash face, get dressed, make breakfast and tea, eat, put the coffee on, etc.  I need to mentally map out what I am going to do.  It gives me the structure I need to help keep me from getting distracted.  So I was thinking that I might need to make myself a list of steps I can take in order to to be kind to myself and then put them somewhere I can see them every day to remind me to actually do them.
One area where I need to learn to be kinder to myself in is my crafting.  My friend Jessica reminded my yesterday that "knitting is supposed to be fun."  Boy did I ever need to hear that right then!  Earlier in the day I felt myself slipping back into the "just finish it up" mindset regarding my projects.  You know what I'm talking about, where you're no longer enjoying the process of the work but instead are just hurrying up trying to get it finished so it's checked off the list.  Sometimes there are real deadlines that make projects fall in to this area, but the things I'm working on don't have deadlines like that.  I've just been rushing because that's my natural tendency - which is no excuse.  I look at those people who knit to relax, and I wish I could be like them.  Instead, I'm usually frantically knitting at top speed to get something finished up and off the needles so I can start something new.  Then the whole cycle begins again: hurry and finish up so I can start the new and exciting thing I want to make, then once I'm started on it, I'm hurrying to finish it up so I can start the next new thing, and on and on and on it goes.  It's like a vicious knitting merry-go-round.  One I definitely want to get off.  I'd really like to get rid of the "hurry up" and replace it with the calming knitting I see others do.  I guess finding "steps" in this area would be a good plan, and to start I'm going to write out "Knitting is supposed to be fun." and stick it up where I can see it every day.
Do you ever find yourself struggling to be kind to yourself, or rushing through your knitting and not enjoying the process?  If you're the type who knits to relax, can you share any tips with me?

xoxo

Slacking, Slacking, Slacking

Hello,

I know I've been slacking in my blogging lately...but I'm trying to get myself back on track.  It's not that I don't enjoy writing my posts, quite the opposite I assure you!  It's just that I either get so busy I don't have time to post, or I'm too tired to think straight and write something that would make sense.  Work is slowing down now though, only one more week to go!  So I should have more time in the near future.

Even though I've been slacking in my blogging, I've been making up for it in creating things during my spare moments.  I've been quite busy with needles, hook and yarn this past week and last.  To date I have knit 5 baby hats, 1 bonnet, 4 pairs of booties (and three singles who are awaiting their mates), 2 pairs of baby socks, 3 dishcloths, and a tiny gnome.  That's not mentioning all the projects I have started or have on the go at the moment.  I find that when my mind is too tired to think, I can usually still knit - granted that the project is pretty mindless.

Today while starting to tidy up around here (I've haven't been only slacking in blogging...) I found that I have three pairs of socks on the go right now.  So I set myself a little goal of getting one pair done this weekend.  Two pairs are on the second sock and the other pair is on the foot of the first.  I'd also like to finish up a few other little knits I have on the needles as well this weekend, but we'll see how everything goes.  I find it helps keep me on track if I make a little list, otherwise I get distracted by new things (kobo cozy using the magic loop technique because I want to learn it) and start working on something entirely different from what I was supposed to be working on in the first place.  I'll be back on Monday to let you know how it all went.

Have a great weekend, and try to sneak in some YOU time if you can.

xoxo